How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He has the fingertips of a God
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
