Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
