You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
