it hurts more in the daytime
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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