The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
