gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
