my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
