She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
