I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Randomize