I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
