you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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