I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i love accidental penises.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
