I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
