Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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