I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
