You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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