Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
