Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
