the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
