My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
