dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
