im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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