"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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