Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
