I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
