Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
