So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
