I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
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