Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize