his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
