The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
