Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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