Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
