so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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