he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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