I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
