Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
