I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
