Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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