She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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