If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
