I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
