I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
