So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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