saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
