for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
