How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize