my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're so nebulous sometimes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
