so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
