could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
