The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you would pick up someone in the library
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
