dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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