Just fell off a train. Bad.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
