People with herpes should wear stickers.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
