Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
