How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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