Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
