Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
