just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i used baking grease as lip gloss
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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