whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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