I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
