I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize