Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
