I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My life is pants optional.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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