how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
