I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
