I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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