the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
