Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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