Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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