I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
