I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
