No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
