great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
is that a dick in a sweater?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
