K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
