1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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