Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
