kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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