just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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