Porn is love you can see.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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