i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
