it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
