Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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