just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
