My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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