you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
