I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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