Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
