the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
