Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize