I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You made out with two different species that night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize