I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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