you have to choose: penises or morals?
My pussy is not your playground.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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