shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
