Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize