yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
