when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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