my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Never joke about your clitoris.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
