I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
