how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
