You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
