This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
