Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
