Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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