i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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