She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
