the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
