I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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