I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
