There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
